BTS: Important Success Lessons I Learned From My Preemie
If you’re familiar with my story, you know that my daughter Jenna (born at 28 weeks) was the driving force behind FLRRiSH: a brand that’s helping dozens of preemie families across the country.
What you may not know is that, beyond inspiring me to start a business, she has taught me infinitely more about success than any book ever has.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “The greatest lessons in life, if we would but stoop and humble ourselves, we would learn not from the grown-up learned men, but from the so-called ignorant children.”
Jenna is one of the most resilient, strong, and hardworking people I know–adults included. As difficult as preemie parenthood has been, I know her foundation will set her up to be unstoppable later in life. Everything I do for her, whether it’s taking her to therapies, helping her with schoolwork, or setting up playdates at the park, I do so she can have the same hope, promise, and potential as any child out there.
I’ve made it my mission to help her get as much support as she needs so that she loves going to school, spending time with her peers, and has all the space she needs to thrive and grow. And in the process, I’ve learned a lot. In the moments I’ve felt the most exhausted and defeated, Jenna has been a source of energy for me. She’s reminded me to return to the basics of success. Our relationship is symbiotic–as much as I support her, she supports me back.
This blog post will be a little different than our typically scheduled content. Instead of an informational blog post about preemie parenthood, I’m offering a personal account. A little BTS (behind the scenes) peak of FLRRiSH, if you will. So read on as I share important success lessons I learned from my preemie.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Have you ever noticed that the older we get, the more settled into our routine we become? After high school, college, and landing our first real job, our lives become routinized. Everything is familiar.
It’s easy to forget that growing up, we had to get out of our comfort zones daily. Whether it was being forced to get up in front of a class to speak, competing in a highly competitive sport, or dealing with the transition from middle school to high school, we were constantly pushed into uncharted territory.
The younger we were, the more often we had to do things that were hard and uncomfortable. For instance, many of us, between 9 and 15 months of age, had to learn how to walk. We stumbled, tripped, and fell countless times, yet each time we got up and tried again because we had to. There was no other option.
Watching a child accomplish these developmental milestones is eye-opening. Even more so when it’s a preemie child. In the NICU, I watched Jenna graduate from IV nutrition to a feeding tube as she developed the ability to suck, swallow, and coordinate her breathing. Five years later, I’m watching her accomplish social and emotional milestones, develop her speech and language, and perfect her fine and gross motor skills. I am still in awe. (If I’m being honest with myself, I sometimes watch her too closely. I too need to be reminded that she doesn’t require 24/7, round-the-clock surveillance. Sometimes, she just needs space to be a kid.)
She is constantly doing things that are uncomfortable for her, yet she often does it with a smile on her face. Watching my daughter work so hard every day inspires me because it makes me realize that if she can do the hard stuff, so can I.
Jenna reminds me that we can only grow by doing the scary things. The hard things. For me, starting a brand new business was scary. Especially since I live in New York, a very expensive city, and have a child with needs. Not to mention, when I started FLRRiSH I was still healing from my traumatic birth and figuring out my role as a parent. It was extremely daunting.
Nevertheless, I did it. I used to tell Jenna (and still sometimes do), “We’re both learning on the job.” I attribute much of the success of FLRRiSH to our willingness to step into the unknown and take each challenge one step at a time.
Your Journey Won’t Be Perfect, and That’s Okay
As soon as you have a child, all illusions of having “a perfect life” melt away. The same is true for starting a business. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Jenna, it’s this: when you strive for perfection, you will always set yourself up for disappointment.
When I gave birth to Jenna, we both were in very fragile medical shape. I didn’t see her until three days after she was born. At the time I felt like I was a bad mom, but the truth is I didn’t even have the wherewithal to ask for her. When I did meet her, she was in an incubator surrounded by tubes and beeping machines. The conditions were, quite literally, the opposite of perfect–yet it was beautiful and miraculous all the same.
When I created FLRRiSH, I made mistakes. I didn’t have success right away. But I was able to touch the lives of a few preemie parents in a profound way.
It’s not fair for me to expect that Jenna’s journey will be perfect just like it’s not fair for me to expect perfection from myself. But the good news is there is something better than a “perfect” journey…a journey that is perfectly imperfect. This type of journey gives us the space to make mistakes, live authentically, and develop resilience. It is uniquely and beautifully ours, and after all, what more can we ask for?
My Business Advice to Other Moms
It is my belief that parents who want to start their own business have a competitive advantage. There is so much overlap between being a mom and an entrepreneur that you could practically draw out an entire Venn diagram.
In both roles, you have to:
Be ready to pivot on a dime
Juggle many responsibilities at once
Show up, even if it’s hard
Set an example for the people around you
Negotiate (whether it be bedtimes or project costs)
Find creative solutions
Understand that it’s a marathon, not a sprint
From one mom to another, you have everything it takes to accomplish what you set your mind to. If you have an idea, and you truly believe in it, then nothing can stop you.
Be open to learning and discovering different ways to execute an idea. If someone’s not answering your emails, try a new approach. Listen to other points of view when something isn’t working, just like you would as a parent. At the same time, never lose sight of your “why.”
Unless you have a crazy advantage like Kylie Jenner or Jessica Alba, expect to start your business from the ground up. Create awareness, gather funding, bootstrap, and don’t take no for an answer. Be bold, get gritty, and know that you are capable of more than you think.
Most of all, remember that there is so much to learn from your little ones. Don’t be afraid to take those lessons and put them to use. Who knows, they might just look to you for inspiration one day.
For more information about FLRRiSH, click here. To work with me one-on-one or access our preemie parent resources, check out our services page.